man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
