Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Randomize
