i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
