the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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