I smell stomach acid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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