woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
