i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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