people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
