i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
