remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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