**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
