I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
