Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
