I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
