You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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