I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
