Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
