Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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