i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
