I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
