Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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