She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
