we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
