Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
