We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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