Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
