She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
