AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
