Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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