quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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