My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
