haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
birth control should be required to get into college
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
