i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
