I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
