I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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