Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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