My hand turned me down
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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