Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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