Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
