He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
