There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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