We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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