I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
