Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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