the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
