oh god the rape fog is back!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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