so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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