The maid of honor just puked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
