so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
