good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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