So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You made out with two different species that night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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