My liver just broke up with me...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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