There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
