I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
