I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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