C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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