It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
