Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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